It is an honour to be asked to say a few words today, on the 20 year Azkara of Tal
I have been at this event virtually every year and find it both moving and unique
In England, where I grew up, a jahrtzeit is marked simply by lighting a candle and possibly reciting kadish either at home or possibly at the grave but together with only close family
Perhaps the gathering of so many people here is an example of the famous Israeli mutual responsibility – Kol Yisrael Arevim Zeh Bazeh
So many of us gather here every year yet I know so few of you
And I guess you don’t know me either
So let me begin by telling you when and how I first met the Barkai family
It was almost 45 years ago
I was newly arrived as a visiting professor at Tel Aviv University Medical School for a year and was living in a guest cottage in the Sheba Medical Center campus
The deputy director of Sheba introduced me to Gadi as a potential research colleague and also as a gynecologist since my then wife was pregnant
Gadi and Nili generously invited us to their home and soon we became both close colleagues and sound friends
The years went by and we met often both in Israel and abroad, for work and for pleasure
Today however, Gadi and I are more than friends – we now call each other ‘Achi’
The additional bond between us is linked to the sudden and unexpected death of my son, the one who Gadi delivered in Sheba all those years ago
By chance, or maybe providence, Gadi happened to be visiting us in England and on that terrible day he has a pillar of strength. Without his calm, still voice I don’t know how I would have survived it
Then some years later came the sudden death of Tal further reinforcing the bond between us
Let me now return to all of us who gather here every year
It seems to me that we all together also form a kind of brotherhood, a band of brothers
It was Shakespeare who first used this term in his play Henry V
When the king addressing his men before the Battle of Agincourt, vastly outnumbered, calls them ‘We few, we happy few, we band of brothers’
This was not simply about military comradery – Achim laNeshek
Reading the complete text shows that it was more about power of reunion – reaffirming bonds
Henry predicted that yearly on the anniversary of that battle the survivors will be proud to meet again and to remember together those past days
Now I want to mention another English poet, one you will probably not know
He is Michael Rosen, previously the UK children’s poet laureate
He too lost a son suddenly and as a public figure, shared his thoughts about life and loss
I was struck by one BBC broadcast when Rosen used a poetic image which somehow has parallels to what is happening here today
He imagined communal, civil life as a walk, a march of the living, where individuals join the community for a time, neighbours, family, friends, brothers, and leave sooner or later
Eventually all leave to be replaced by others and the walk continues uninterrupted
I feel this kind of bond as each year we gradually gather in the kibbutz car park and then set off walking slowly together through the paths among increasing numbers of trees and bushes eventually reaching this specific place
Finally, these various ideas invoked by preparing my ‘few words’ for today has led me to a unifying concept, that of bonds
Jewish tradition, and it is often written in abbreviation on gravestones, says of the newly departed loved one ‘Tehei nafsho tzerurah bitzeror hachaim’ – May he/she be bound in the bonds of life
I always found that puzzling but having thought it through can now take comfort in the idea that in our gatherings here every year we are somehow fulfilling this ancient wish. Perhaps we are exactly those bonds that bind Tal to life